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Published: 13th December 2024
If you have recently been through a separation or divorce, Christmas may look and feel a little different for you this year. It's only natural to feel uncertain about what lies ahead.
Whether you're suddenly single again, or sharing custody of your children and spending Christmas without them for the first time, these changes can stir up a mix of emotions for everyone involved. However, you are on a path well-trodden by others before you. This blog offers practical tips and words of encouragement to help you navigate your way through the festive period.
If you have recently been through a separation or divorce, Christmas may look and feel a little different for you this year. It's only natural to feel uncertain about what lies ahead.
Whether you're suddenly single again, or sharing custody of your children and spending Christmas without them for the first time, these changes can stir up a mix of emotions for everyone involved. However, you are on a path well-trodden by others before you. This blog offers practical tips and words of encouragement to help you navigate your way through the festive period.
If you and your ex-partner didn’t have children, or if they are grown up and have flown the nest, the idea of spending Christmas by yourself may feel rather strange.
If you would prefer not to be on your own, do you have friends or family you could invite for a Christmas celebration? Or perhaps you would enjoy volunteering at a local homeless shelter? The holiday season could be the perfect time to revisit hobbies or try something new, like a festive workshop or joining a local community event.
If you would rather stay at home on Christmas Day, think about how to make it a special time just for you. Perhaps buy some nice food, decide on a film (or two) you want to watch, enjoy a nice walk? Try to treat yourself to the kind of day you know you will enjoy.
If you have children, separation doesn’t just alter the relationship between the parents, it reshapes the entire family structure. For separated families, the contrast with the traditional image of joyful family celebrations can make this season feel particularly isolating.
For children, Christmas is often associated with comfort and tradition – doing the same sort of things every year. When these constants are disrupted, it can be unsettling. Parents might find themselves keeping check not just on their own emotions but also their children’s, plus trying to accommodate the feelings of grandparents and extended family. This can seem overwhelming, but it’s also an opportunity to start afresh and redefine what the festive season will look like for you.
Some parents have the arrangements for Christmas already set out in a previously agreed Child Arrangements Order. Without formal arrangements such as these, parents will need to discuss their plans and come to an agreement each year.
You may choose to take turns having the children for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day. Alternating like this makes it fair for both parties. While it can feel strange at first, it does ensure that, over the years, both parents can experience the excitement of the season. But, particularly in the early days, this can be incredibly challenging for the parent who will not have the children for Christmas. (See our suggestion later in the blog about having two Christmases!)
It’s common to experience feelings of loneliness, sadness, jealousy, anger or resentment during this time. These emotions can be upsetting, especially when everything around you is joyful, but sharing your feelings with someone you trust will provide much-needed relief.
For many parents, one of the hardest aspects is missing out on moments like watching their children open their Christmas presents. While these feelings are painful, acknowledging them and seeking support can make the season more manageable.
Some parents choose to split the day. One parent has the children for Christmas Eve and the morning of Christmas Day, then the other one has them in the afternoon and into Boxing Day. Whatever you choose, you will need to discuss matters with your ex-partner and plan early. Relate offers useful advice for separated parents at Christmas.
Communicate about the important issues:
Once you have agreed upon your arrangements, be positive and keep a united front. Don’t try to ‘get one up’ on each other with your gifts to the children - arrange ahead of time what you are each giving them. Christmas is an important time in a child’s life and your decisions are pivotal to their wellbeing and happiness. You have the opportunity to start traditions that will continue for many years and give them memories to look back on with fondness.
If you need advice or are struggling with planning Christmas, you can contact Family Lives, who offer a helpful telephone chatline and online chat to support families.
The extended family often plays an important role during Christmas. If your children are accustomed to spending time with grandparents during the holidays, try to maintain this connection, if it’s possible.
Grandparents can provide a sense of stability for children amidst all of the change. Time with them can also be a source of childcare, giving you a break at a busy time of year. They may even be a shoulder for you to lean on .
It’s understandable that new partners can evoke strong emotions for newly separated families.
One person might not like the idea of the children spending Christmas with their ex if a new partner is on the scene, but every situation is different. Try to be compassionate, thinking of the feelings of your children (and maybe your ex). It’s important for children to see both parents but Christmas may not be the right time to introduce children to a new partner.
The festive season can amplify feelings of loss, but it can also be a time for growth and resilience. Be kind to yourself, feel proud that you have come through your separation, and lean on your support network of family or friends.
After the festivities are over, reflect on whether things worked well. Plan ahead for next year and don’t be afraid to negotiate changes for the better. Christmas can be an evolving arrangement that adjusts to the needs of you and your family.
At KJ Smith Solicitors, we understand that navigating your first Christmas post-divorce is no small task. Your family may look a bit different this year but with planning, communication and self-compassion, it’s possible to make this time meaningful and joyful, while establishing some fun new traditions.
If you need guidance on co-parenting arrangements or legal matters, our team at K J Smith Solicitors is here to help. We offer a FREE 45 minute consultation. Reach out to us for advice or support – we're here to help you navigate the challenges and embrace the opportunities of your new beginning.
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