Life after divorce: How to thrive, not just survive

At K J Smith, we understand how difficult going through a divorce can be, whether you are at the beginning of your journey or coming to the end of it. It is important to create a complete support system for you to help guide you through your divorce or separation with dignity, clarity, and confidence and help you create a fulfilling future.

We take the time to understand your situation. We are experts at what we do and will achieve the best possible outcome for you and your family.

We have partnered with Lauren Schriefer, a divorce coach and proud former KJS family lawyer, to explore how divorce coaching and KJ Smith Solicitors work in unison to provide you with the ultimate support.

Life after divorce

Divorce Coaching is practical and emotional support to help guide you through the rollercoaster of any type of breakup.

It is results-focused and will help you to take back your control, cope better with the stress a breakup naturally brings, rediscover what is important to you as well as help you navigate your way through the process.

Coaching complements the work of a lawyer as it enables you to deal with your emotions separately and allows the lawyer to focus on providing you with essential legal advice. Most importantly, it helps to alleviate the overwhelm and empowers you to make informed decisions rather than those dictated by emotions.

How you handle the emotional side of your separation or divorce can have a huge impact on the length of your legal journey and legal fees.

To provide you with an insight into how we work together, I would like to share Sarah’s story.

Sarah’s story

Sarah came to me after a sudden breakup from her husband of 20 years. Her husband, Tom, had announced out of the blue one night that he had become close to a work colleague and moved out that night to live with her.

Sarah was heartbroken and in shock. She didn’t know which way to turn and feared what the future held.

She was experiencing an array of different emotions, and her anxiety had heightened. Sarah was struggling to cope with everyday life, she had a demanding marketing role and on top of this she was now sole parenting their two young children.

I listened and empathised with Sarah and assured her it was completely normal to feel an array of emotions.

I explained that whilst there was no magic wand to take away the pain, there were several simple techniques and strategies I wanted to share with her to help her take back control and speed up the healing process.

The Loss Cycle

Breaking up is known as the second most traumatic life experience after the death of a loved one.

This is why the 5 stages that follow a breakup are identical to those of grief and illustrated in The Loss Cycle.

I took Sarah through the different stages to provide her with more clarity about what she is experiencing and what lies ahead. I explained it was completely normal to go back and forth but what was important was having a deeper understanding of why she was feeling the way she was and how she dealt with her emotions at each stage.

I shared some simple techniques, for example being consciously aware of how often she is re-telling her story as she will re-experience the negative emotions. Sarah resonated with this immediately and said it is all she talks about and has been telling anyone who will listen!

I also shared some strategies to help her dial down the negative emotions and showed her how to take control of how she feels and reacts. Understanding her emotions, and learning ways to cope better with them, helped Sarah to take small steps forward, give clear instructions to her lawyer and move matters forward.

Building a support team

Having a carefully selected positive and non-judgmental support team around you right from the outset is crucial and will help to reduce the stress and overwhelm.

I helped Sarah select family and friends and discussed the importance of relying on them for genuine support as well as ways to have fun with them.

This led to discussing other professionals in her team, such as a lawyer. Sarah felt scared even at the thought of talking to a lawyer, but she was also keen to get advice on some financial concerns.

With Sarah’s permission, I reached out to one of the expert family law solicitors at K J Smith and briefly explained her circumstances and we arranged a three-way meeting. Sarah felt relieved, and this provided her with that much-needed support right from the outset.

Becoming co-parents

Another area Sarah felt very anxious about was being a single parent and trying to co-parent with Tom who was already making various demands.

As we discussed this further, Sarah discovered that it wasn’t the parenting itself she was anxious about, it was the constant communication and increased conflict.

We discussed ways of managing communication, reducing conflict, setting boundaries and keeping all communication focused on the children. I also suggested the use of a shared co-parenting calendar which helps to reduce communication and thereby conflict. It enables arrangements to be made in advance on one platform.

Sarah was eager to try this as she struggled with communication but felt she had no choice.

We discussed ways of communicating this to Tom and how her lawyer could help ensure a clear arrangement was in place for the children's sake. Sarah gained clarity on the options available to her, which in turn gave her the confidence to make an informed decision on the best way forward.

We also discussed how Sarah would spend her time when the boys were with Tom. Sarah used to love running but hadn’t been able to since having the children. We agreed to some small steps she could take to make this happen. Sarah started to recognise how important it was to start shifting her focus to her and what she could do to help herself cope better, particularly during the time the children were with Tom.

Moving forward with confidence

In subsequent sessions we discussed ways of re-building her confidence and self-esteem, rediscovering her identity, understanding the dynamics of the relationship she had experienced, how to empower the children and many more.

We created an action plan of small steps to focus on from one session to the next to provide her with a positive focus and the drive to move forward.

Having now come out on the other side of the journey, Sarah expressed that having a team around her from the outset really helped her cope better with the hurdles both emotionally, practically and legally. It made the journey much smoother and easier for her to manage. She said she went from feeling terrified and completely lost to feeling excited about what the future held.

Don’t let your divorce or separation define you, invest in yourself and seek our support and guidance to help you thrive through this.

K J Smith takes great pride in ensuring you receive a personalised, caring and professional service and this includes creating the best support team around you.

Lauren's goal and passion are to support people through their breakups with clarity and confidence and most importantly help them create a future they are excited to live. The coaching Lauren offers is results-focused and tailored specifically to your individual needs to help you take back your control, gain clarity and move forward positively.

To find out more please feel free to book a complimentary discovery call with Lauren directly via Lauren's website www.laurenclarecoaching.com