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Published: 27th January 2025
When relationships break down, finding resolutions and coming to an agreement on the issues that arise can sometimes feel daunting.
Mediation is increasingly being used as a method of Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR). When you begin the process of divorce or separation, it’s natural to have concerns about how mediation works and whether it will work for you. You may be asking yourself: How should I prepare? How will it unfold? Is mediation even the right option for us? These feelings are entirely normal, and no question is too small or unimportant.
In this article we shed light on what you can expect from the mediation process, its benefits and how to prepare for your initial consultation with a mediator. We answer some of the most common questions to help you feel informed and confident as you take your first steps in the process.
Mediation is a voluntary process where an impartial mediator facilitates discussions between parties to help them reach a mutual agreement. It’s commonly used in divorce, separation, and other disputes involving children or finances. It is particularly helpful for resolving complex or unusual family issues.
Understandably, emotions often run high when couples are separating. Accessing objective, impartial guidance can be invaluable in reaching agreements that are acceptable to both of you. The mediator’s role is not to take sides or make decisions for you, but to guide the conversation, ensure fairness, and keep discussions focused on solutions.
It’s also not uncommon for people to become very fixed in their views, which can make coming to an agreement difficult. Think of mediation as an opportunity to have those “over the kitchen table” discussions, but with an impartial person there to help guide you and find compromises that work for all the family.
At KJ Smith Solicitors, we offer a Free Initial Consultation (FIC), whether you come to the meeting as a couple or wish to have that first conversation with the mediator separately.
Mediation offers several benefits:
Many people find Family Mediation less daunting, less time-consuming, and significantly cheaper than going to court. Read our blog about the benefits of early collaboration to learn more.
Mediation is not legally binding. Once you have been through the process, and if you reach agreement, the mediator will summarise the way forward in a detailed ‘Memorandum of Understanding’. It’s a joint document that you can provide to your solicitors and they can use it to draw up a Consent Order (also known as a Financial Order) which can then be made legally binding.
Your application for a Consent Order can be made after you’ve started the process of getting divorced or ending your civil partnership. It must be approved by a judge in court to make it legally binding.
Mediation is a confidential process, and is generally more discreet than going to court. However, your financial disclosure (a normal part of any divorce) is not confidential and is routinely shared outside of the mediation process with solicitors and the court.
Other exceptions relate to safeguarding matters. All mediators have a duty of care to disclose to relevant authorities anything of concern about a person’s welfare that may come to light.
Mediation costs are usually shared between both parties, although this is something you can discuss and agree in advance. Some people prefer to split costs equally, while others divide them based on their financial circumstances. For example, one client may say, “I’m earning significantly more than my ex-partner right now, so I offered to cover the full cost of mediation.”
At your initial consultation, the mediator should explain the fees involved and help you agree on a payment arrangement that works for both of you. It’s worth noting that mediation is usually significantly cheaper than going to court.
Mediation is a voluntary process, so it cannot proceed without both of you consenting. If your partner refuses to engage, it’s still worth attending the initial consultation to explore your options.
For example, you might be wondering:
Family courts are placing greater emphasis on mediation as a form of Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR). If required, our mediators at K J Smith Solicitors can issue a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) certificate, necessary before applying to court in most family disputes. They can also advise you about how legal proceedings work or explore other avenues to resolve the situation, such as negotiation, family arbitration or collaborative law.
One common concern is how mediation manages power imbalances, particularly if one partner displays narcissistic traits or manipulative behaviour. Mediators are trained to recognise and address these difficult dynamics, to ensure the process remains fair and balanced.
For example, if your partner often dominates conversations or dismisses your concerns, your mediator may:
At K J Smith Solicitors, we are particularly mindful of these challenges and take steps to create a safe and constructive environment. We routinely adapt mediation sessions to suit individual circumstances.
We resolve 80% of our mediation cases through the mediation process. However, there are some exceptions. Mediation will not be appropriate in cases involving domestic abuse, severe mental health issues, or if one person refuses to participate in good faith. From time to time, we may decide mediation is unsuitable, if coercive control or abusive behaviour is detected. In this scenario, or if one person removes themselves from the process, we will always suggest alternative ways for you to resolve matters.
Typically, mediation begins with an individual meeting between yourself and the mediator. Then the mediator has the same meeting with your partner. However, at K J Smith Solicitors, we take a unique approach to mediation by offering a joint Free Initial Consultation (FIC).
Mediation always works best when both people have a proper understanding of the issues involved and how the process works. We believe this collaborative beginning helps to ensure everyone is on the same page and sets the tone for productive discussions.
Your FIC is a key starting point and an opportunity for you and your partner to ask questions and discuss whether mediation is the right approach for your situation. We’ve found it an excellent way to progress things quickly and amicably.
For example :
2. List your key issues : Note down the main topics you’d like to address. What are the areas where you have struggled to agree so far?
For example :
3. Gather your financial information: Organise relevant documents such as pay slips, mortgage statements, and bank statements. You may not need them at the first meeting, but having a clear financial picture from the beginning will save you time later.
4. List any questions: It’s very normal to have queries or concerns about the process. Write them down so you can address them at your first consultation.
6. Stay open-minded: The key to mediation is compromise: you may not get exactly what you want but, after calm conversation facilitated by your mediator, often you can find resolutions that you’re both happy to embrace.
The length of the mediation process depends on the complexity of the issues and the willingness of both parties to engage. Some cases may be resolved in a single session – yes, really – while others require more meetings over weeks or months.
For example, if you are making a Parenting Plan, or, if you’re simply agreeing on a regular visitation schedule, it could take just one or two hour-long sessions. For financial disputes when you’re trying to divide assets including property and pensions, you may need 3-5 sessions to cover all the finer details.
Each session typically lasts 1.5-2 hours. We ensure the process is as efficient as possible while giving each issue the full attention it deserves.
Our mediators are not only skilled professionals but also empathetic listeners who prioritise your needs and concerns. Whether you’re navigating financial disputes or creating your child-focused parenting plan, we’re here to guide you every step of the way.
Eleanor became a mediator because she has a passion for resolving conflict in the most cost-effective, time-efficient and amicable way, and in the best interests of any children involved. She explains, “It probably comes naturally to me from my childhood – from around the age of 6, I was often called in to resolve heated family disputes!”
When asked why mediation is so important, Eleanor says, “I truly believe that when two parties sit together with a neutral third party, so much more than an agreement can be achieved. Mediation empowers couples to come to their own solutions and therefore they are more likely to be happy with the outcome reached. In addition, having undergone the process of mediation, communication is improved for the long term.”
Sofie trained as a Resolution mediator 10 years ago, as part of a Department of Work and Pensions pilot project. She undertook her mediation refresher training in 2024 and is excited about once again being able to help people through mediation.
Sofie says, “I want to encourage people to look at alternative options to just going down the solicitor route, keeping the children at the forefront of their minds, encouraging a collaborative approach to reach agreement on how their needs and the needs of the children can be met at the end of a relationship.”
Reflecting on the value of mediation, Sofie says, “Mediation can help to reduce conflict as it looks towards the future, not the past. It can also be a quicker, more flexible process and is cost-effective, allowing people to be in control of how much they are spending. Mediation can be less stressful too, as all parties feel they have a voice and are encouraged to participate in the process and decision-making.”
At K J Smith Solicitors, we believe that with the right preparation and support, it’s possible to resolve even the most challenging of situations. We’ve seen first-hand how mediation can transform the way that couples approach separation, resolving their disputes and finding pathways to a fair and amicable outcome.
If you’re considering mediation or have more questions about the process, contact us to schedule your free initial consultation. A collaborative approach today can pave the way for a more peaceful tomorrow.
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