New Year Niggles: Normal or Not

The festive season is usually a time for joy, togetherness and goodwill – or at least that’s the idea. Yet, for many couples, it’s a time that can highlight underlying tensions, leaving one or both of you starting the New Year wondering if your relationship has reached the end of the line.

January is sometimes nicknamed ‘Divorce Month’, and many people reading this blog may know someone whose partner walked out over Christmas or on New Year’s Day, but if it is you now feeling the post-Christmas blues in regard to your relationship, how do you know if you actually do want a divorce, or are just feeling a bit ‘divorcey’?

This article explores some scenarios that could lead you to have doubts about your relationship. We offer advice on how to reflect and gain perspective, so you can decide upon your next steps with clarity.

The festive season can challenge even the strongest relationship

Christmas time can bring out both the best and the worst in any relationship. For many, the idealised vision of the festive season doesn’t always match reality and social media often paints an impossibly perfect picture – what about all those happy families in matching pyjama sets?

When reality falls short, it can be easy to misdirect disappointment towards your partner. If you add a few common stressors to the mix, even the strongest of relationships can be tested.

Family and social pressures

Deciding whose family to visit and for how long can be a recurring source of conflict. One of you may feel that you’re always the one making sacrifices and hosting any extended family can certainly test patience or amplify any differences between you. A demanding in-law or meddling aunt might leave one partner feeling sidelined.

There’s also a potential whirlwind of social obligations, which may create extra stress. A lack of gratitude – or even affection – during this busy period could exacerbate feelings of disconnection too.

An uneven workload

The invisible load of Christmas preparations is another common issue. From shopping for presents to putting up all the decorations, preparing for Christmas can feel like a full-time job. If one partner takes on the bulk of the work while the other appears to breeze through December, resentment can simmer under the surface.

If you have children, Christmas may revolve around creating a magical experience for them. But differing parenting styles or an unequal division of labour can lead to arguments and, for some, the question, “Do we even work as a team anymore?”

Financial tensions

Christmas is also an expensive time of year, and financial pressures can highlight any existing anxieties you may have about money. Whether it’s disagreements about overspending or a conflicting approach to budgeting, money matters can easily result in conflict.

Getting under each other’s feet!

The festive season is a time for togetherness - but too much togetherness can sometimes feel overwhelming! With days off work, the kids at home, and a packed calendar of commitments, it’s easy for small irritations to snowball into full-blown frustrations. Suddenly, your partner’s endearing quirks can feel like glaring annoyances, and you may be left wondering if you’ve lost your spark.

Rest assured, for many couples, this is completely normal. Spending extended time in close quarters can bring out the best and worst in people. The key is to remember that these feelings often stem from stress, not total dissatisfaction with your relationship.

The theory behind post-Christmas relationship breakdowns

It is very normal for couples in long-term relationships to experience moments of doubt. The question is: are your feelings the result of temporary seasonal stress, or do they point to deeper issues?

As January arrives, decorations come down and the credit card bills roll in, so the sparkle of the season quickly disappears. Whether it’s a partner who didn’t pitch in, conflict with the wider family, or a sense of being under-appreciated, any pre-existing feelings of unhappiness can be compounded.

Before taking action, it’s important to realise that these feelings and many of the arguments which arise in December/January may not signal fundamental incompatibility but more spring from the heightened emotional and logistical challenges at this time of year.

Reflect and regain perspective

1. Take a step back
When emotions are running high, it can be difficult to think logically or see the best way to resolve matters. Give yourself time to process your feelings without making impulsive decisions.

2. Communicate constructively
Choose a calm moment to discuss your feelings with your partner. Avoid blaming or criticising and instead focus on expressing how you feel and what you would like to happen differently..

3. Seek professional support
Relationship counselling services, such as those offered by Relate, can help couples navigate challenges. A trained counsellor provides a safe, neutral space to explore your emotions and identify whether your relationship has a happy future.

4. Focus on the bigger picture
Reflect on your relationship as a whole. Are the issues you’re facing simply seasonal or are they long-standing? Do you still share core values and goals, or have you grown apart?

Sometimes, a bit of distance and reflection can reveal that the post-Christmas gloom has distorted your perspective. What felt like insurmountable problems may simply be a byproduct of festive stress, underscored by the unique pressures of the season.

When divorce feels like the right choice

Sometimes, even after reflection and effort, a relationship still reaches its end. Exploring different avenues to keep your relationship afloat can be comforting, even if you conclude that separation or divorce is inevitable. Choosing to separate is never easy, but recognising when it’s time to move on can be an act of care for both you and your partner – and, if you have children, for them as well.

At KJ Smith Solicitors, we understand the emotional and practical challenges of divorce. Whether you’ve arrived at your decision after years of deliberation or a particularly difficult festive season, we’re here to guide you through the process with sensitivity and expertise.

Early Initial Advice

Remember that if you’re contemplating whether or not to split up, taking legal advice does not ‘automatically’ need to lead to divorce. Rather, you can equip yourself with information that will be empowering for you, no matter what direction you then choose to go.

At KJS, we offer a free initial consultation to help you find out about the options open to you. We have helpful resources to guide you through the process of starting your divorce, such as How to Choose the Right Family Law Solicitor for you and Key Questions to Ask a Family Law Solicitor in your First Meeting.

Final thoughts

It is common for the New Year to bring relationship issues to the fore, following the demands of the festive season. The good news is that it can be very normal to feel this way – and these feelings don’t always mean your relationship is over.

With time, reflection and honest communication, many couples will find their way back to a stronger connection. However, if you do find that separation is the right choice for you, it’s important to approach the decision thoughtfully and knowing that you have the right information as you begin the journey.

At K J Smith Solicitors, we are a team of compassionate legal professionals, specialist Family Law Solicitors, on hand to provide you with that all-important early advice. If you believe that ending your relationship will be for the best, we can also guide you every step of the way. We offer a free 45-minute consultation to help you explore your options. Making the decision to get divorced is a significant one and you don’t have to make it alone.