Should I wait until after the summer holidays to begin a divorce?

The decision to divorce is never an easy one. If you have children, the timing of it can make things even more complex.

While divorce can happen at any time of the year, when it comes to the months of July and August, it’s often the case that couples wait until after the school holidays. But the summer is a period of extended family time when, understandably, marital tensions can increase, potentially putting more strain on relationships.

In this blog, we shed light on the considerations of initiating a divorce in the summer to help you make the right choice for you and your loved ones.

Solicitors and courts during the summer holidays

It’s a common myth that family law solicitors and courts close over the summer holidays. On the contrary, courts and solicitors like ourselves are open for business as usual! There is no seasonal break and – because of the myth – things can actually be a bit quieter.

Putting off the inevitable

If you and your spouse have been grappling with deep-rooted marital issues and have reached the point of separation, divorce may have crossed your mind.

You may feel reluctant to take that first step and, if you have children, you can feel overwhelmed and highly emotional about getting the ball rolling.

It’s common for couples to delay divorce due to the arrival of the summer holidays. This can be down to emotional and practical considerations.

However, sometimes a delay can simply intensify the pressures on an already fragile relationship. For some couples, beginning their divorce during the summer holidays can make things a little easier in the long run.

Common reasons to delay divorce until after the summer

Summer is typically a time for family holidays, relaxation and a break from the usual routine. This can lead many couples to postpone proceedings until September. The reasons are understandable. Holidays and family gatherings may have been planned well in advance. Cancelling trips can be both costly and disappointing for children, and perhaps also for wider family or close friends.

Moreover, children are usually at home during the holidays and may need full-time care and attention. This adds an additional layer of complexity to the logistics of a separation. You perhaps need to find moments to be alone with your spouse to talk about matters and this can be more difficult if the children are with you most of the time. Mediation could be helpful in this situation, as that will provide a safe space for discussion.

As for costs, it’s worth remembering that summer activities and holidays can place quite a strain on family finances, so it can feel like the wrong time to initiate what could be a fairly costly process. Check out our previous blog about the financial considerations of a divorce.

The drawbacks of delaying

If thinking of delaying a divorce until the autumn, while one of the intentions may be to preserve family harmony during the holidays, there can also be some significant drawbacks.

● Increased tensions

Holding a relationship together during the summer holidays ‘just for the children’ can be incredibly challenging. The constant proximity and unresolved issues often amplify the strain, making it hard to maintain a happy home. This effort, though well-intentioned, can be emotionally tiring for a couple and ultimately unsustainable. This can make the home or a family holiday feel uncomfortable by prolonging the period of uncertainty.

● Emotional toll on children

This will always be a huge concern for parents who are contemplating separation or divorce. Often people delay because of their worries about the impact on their children. There is never an easy time to initiate a divorce, but children can sense unresolved tensions, which could lead to confusion and anxiety during what should ideally be a fun, relaxing summer break.

● Financial strain

Worrying about money can also increase during the holidays and, if this is one of the causes of your marital issues, it could increase tensions and cause further disagreements or conflict.

● Missed opportunities for planning

Waiting until the end of the summer can place a burden on couples who end up trying to juggle the early stages of divorce around routine work and family commitments.

The benefits of starting a divorce in the summer

Rather than waiting until the end of the holidays, beginning the divorce process during the holidays can offer several advantages. These include:

1. Additional preparation time

In the summer, families have extra time to prepare emotionally and practically for the changes ahead. This can make for a smoother transition. Without the constraints of the school year, parents often have more flexibility to meet with solicitors, attend mediation sessions, or gather necessary documents, ensuring they are well-prepared for each step of the process.

2. Time and space for communication

Initiating divorce in the holidays can give you the extra time and space needed to communicate openly about the changes ahead. This can include discussing living arrangements, co-parenting plans, and addressing children’s questions and concerns. Allowing plenty of time for children to air emotions can help them to alleviate any worries they may have, in turn making it easier to support them. You can find some good tips about how to tell your children you are separating from Relate.

3. An adjustment period for children

Starting the process before the school year begins allows children time to adjust to new family dynamics and routines. This way, they can start the school year with a clearer understanding of their new family situation, reducing the emotional burden whilst they’re adjusting to their new school year. It could also mean that everyone feels more settled about the situation before Christmas and New Year come round, as this can be another difficult time for separating families.

4. Practical considerations

The divorce process includes a mandatory 20-week waiting period between the initial application and the final order. This period is designed to give couples time to reflect and agree upon practical matters such as finances, property and child arrangements. Starting the process during the summer means this period can be used effectively, with potentially more time away from usual commitments to think things through.

5. Space for personal reflection

The end of your marriage after a life built together is a significant change and you may experience a sense of grief - feelings of loss, uncertainty, or perhaps relief. Holidays give an opportunity to digest what’s happening and can offer you breathing space to take care of your mental health and emotions. You can consider your own needs and future, which can in turn lead to more thoughtful and deliberate decision-making.

• Lean on friends, family or support groups who can provide a listening ear and emotional support. There are many support groups out there, often with really useful information on their websites, online forums, telephone helplines, face-to-face groups and meet-ups, or self-help courses. You could take a look at Family Lives, Gingerbread, Divorce Club or Aquila, to name a few.

• Consider finding professional help, such as a therapist, a counsellor who specialises in divorce and family issues, or a divorce coach to help you navigate your feelings and develop coping strategies.

• Engage and plan activities that promote wellbeing, such as exercise, hobbies and relaxation techniques.

Conclusion

When you’re preparing for divorce, you’re likely to have all sorts of questions about how to begin the process. You may find our articles helpful: ‘What you need to know before you start a divorce’ and ‘How to choose the right family law solicitor for you’.

Finding the right time to initiate your divorce is never going to be easy and it will depend on your own personal circumstances. If you have children, consider how they might cope with the news during the school term versus the school holidays. Would they benefit from the adjustment time the holidays offer, or would their daily routine and seeing school friends be a comfort to them? When all is said and done, choose the time that feels right for you and your family.

Whether you’re keen to put the wheels in motion immediately or wish to delay your divorce until your children are back at school, K J Smith Solicitors are here to help. We’ll be on hand to support you through every stage of your divorce when it feels right for you. We take the time to understand your needs and will work at a pace that suits you. You can arrange a FREE family law consultation to gain reassuring, early advice from our team.